Last May, I became an aunt and ever since, my camera roll has been full of my nephews face. I have never had a situation in which I love someone as much as I love this little person. He has done nothing, literally nothing to earn my love. For most of his life until recently, he hasn't even been able interact with me, laugh, or move.
And yet, I am obsessed with him.
My sister sends photos and videos almost daily for me and my other sister to see and stay in touch with his milestones as we live away from him. These photos and videos are pivotal in how I have been able to stay connected and they've had a huge impact on my mood.
The digital world has created the avenue for me to connect with my nephew even when he lives hours away from me. It is one of my favorite things about media because it has gives me the opportunity to never miss out on a big moment. I never want to forget this time. I don't want to forget how little his fingers and toes were when he was only a few weeks old and I never want to forget how it felt when I made him laugh for the first time.
When our family gets together, we spend so much time with our camera's out trying to catch his little giggle, a big smile, and his first steps. We love to take photos and show each other the photos we've taken. My dad will frequently look through photos and videos of my nephew before going to bed. They bring our family so much joy and laughter.
But here's my fear.
My fear is that I am so afraid of never missing a moment or forgetting a moment that it is exactly what I do end up doing. I'm afraid that all he will remember is how his Aunt Dayna was obsessed with taking pictures with and of him and that she never put the camera down to just watch the cars drive by and chase him around the yard.
This is hard because I want both. I want to be present. I want to be involved in my nephew's life. I want to be an aunt who participates in the fun things with him but I also want to have the photos and videos of the simple moments. I want to be able to remember those moments and be able to look back at them and remember how little he was and how he has changed so much.
So what's the solution?
I'm done sacrificing the real moments for a post worthy photo. Clearly I love photos and videos, I'm making a career out of it. But I'm trying to be more fully present. And sometimes that means putting down the camera.
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