There are two things that I know well about myself. In years past I've denied these things and claimed them untrue, but over this past year, I know it to be very true.
I am not patient.
I am not one to be okay with waiting. I hate waiting for my footage to upload. I hate waiting for equipment to charge and when I'm excited about something, I can't stand waiting days for the actual event to come. (I'm planning a wedding right now so you can guess how that's killing me).
It's to the point that while I am microwaving something, I tend to give myself little tasks in the 30 seconds to wipe off the counter and put some dishes in the counter. Now you might say that this is just me being efficient with my time and while I might be saving a few seconds, the reality is I do the job half as good as I could.
I rush things because I do not like waiting. I don't always fully think through what is happening and instead jump in with two feet. I'm a great starter. I love starting projects, but I don't always have the patience to finish them as well as I started them.
What's the root issue of my impatience? I'm uncomfortable with the in-between.
I am uncomfortable with New Morning Media being in the in between of a complete newbie with no clients and a complete business that I can jump into full time. I'm so impatient and uncomfortable with the in between that I just want to jump ship. I don't like not knowing whether it will succeed or fail and I'd rather just quit before either has the time to happen.
It's a terrible mindset and I'm working on it. After all, isn't there a saying, "All good things come to those who wait."
I am not content.
Some would say that my lack of contentment is what will make me a successful business person. Some say it's what will push me to get better. They tell me that it's good that I feel this way. Those are all fine and great things and maybe even true but my lack of contentment gets me in trouble.
My lack of contentment leads me on a fast track to comparison. I'm not content with where I am and so I look at the people who are where I want to be. And then I'm frustrated. I can't see the good in where I am.
I'm often so discontent that I can't even acknowledge and appreciate how far I've come. Instead I'm tunnel focused on the fact that I am not where I want to be yet.
The only times that I feel content and I don't feel like I need to be doing something is when sitting around a fire. There's a sense of peace at a campfire. Looking at the flames just brings my mind to rest and allows me to be in the moment.
I was listening to a podcast the other day as I was editing and they said this one sentence which has been rattling around in my head.
"Don't compare yourself to anyone else except who you were yesterday."
Wow. Be patient and content Dayna. You've come a long way, and you've got a long way to go. It's okay that I don't have many clients. It's okay that I'm not where I wanted to be by now. Yesterday, I didn't have a wedding client for May. Today I do. And that is the kind of comparison I need to be striving for.
Comments