What are your summer plans? Do you have an internship lined up? This is the dreaded question that every college student hears every other day from February through May. And for most of us, that's a bit of a point of stress, insecurity, and struggle.
This past year, I spent hours a day on LinkedIn, Indeed, and any other job boards I could find. I applied to many jobs. I really wanted to have a summer job working in video marketing.
I didn't get an internship. I interviewed for 2 jobs and didn't hear from a single one of my other applications.
This is my last summer. I graduate in December and I felt that I needed to secure that internship and prove to future employers that I am worth hiring. I wanted to get a job under my belt in my field to prove to them that I was good enough to work for them and prove that I was qualified. I felt that if I can't get an internship for the summer, how will I ever get a real job?
In April, I finally swallowed my pride and sent a text to my old boss at the local day care. I'm going to work for a day care just like I did 4 years ago as a junior in high school. That's been a really hard pill for me to swallow. It feels like I'm three years into a degree and pour my heart into tons of projects but I haven't gotten anywhere. I'm still a babysitter.
To redeem my pride, I decided that I would only commit to working 2-3 days a week at the day care and the other days I would do freelance video marketing. That's what I tell people anyway.
As of now, I have no video clients.
Here's what I've begun to realize. I always thought that I needed a job in my field to prove to employers that I am qualified and capable of doing the work and being in this career. But really, the more I think about it, it's really about me and convincing myself that I am capable. I feel like a fraud. I get good grades in class on my projects, friends and family seem to enjoy what I make but no one will pay me for it.
Have I wasted thousands of dollars and years of my life to a career that I am not cut out for?
I've spent the past few months putting a smile on my face and telling people that I'm excited for the summer and looking forward to doing some freelancing but I'm a fraud. I'm terrified that I won't get a single job and I'm scared that I'll end up working full time at the day care after I can't land a single client. I've been creating business proposals and sending those proposals to any and every business that I can think of around home and it's been radio silence.
Until today. Today I went to a coffee shop to work on some school assignments and opened up my New Morning Media email expecting an empty inbox when instead I found 1 unread message. Someone emailed me back interested in learning more about my video proposal. I shed a tear in that little coffee shop.
Maybe I'm capable of this after all.
Here's your reminder to be patient. In a world of instant gratification, comparison, and instant feedback; practice patience. There's a future for New Morning Media but that future won't happen overnight.
Maybe I can do this after all. Here's to proving to myself that I am not a fraud and that I am capable.
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